Your partner has just discovered that she may be pregnant.
She’s looking for a solution, but where do you fit in?
You may be asking:
- What are my rights?
- How will her decision regarding this pregnancy affect me?
- What if my girlfriend and I don’t agree?
- How will my girlfriend respond to an abortion?
- What can I do if I don’t agree with the decision my girlfriend is making?
You may be thinking:
- Our relationship is unstable.
- I need to finish school.
- I’m not sure I’d be a good parent.
- I don’t have a job.
- She won’t listen to me.
- I wish there was more I could do, but I don’t know what to do.
- I don’t want her to make this decision without me.
At First Place OPTIONS we believe that you are a very important part of this decision.
Real Answers for You Too!
You may have just discovered that your partner is pregnant and you’re probably experiencing many emotions yourself. You likely have all kinds of thoughts running through your mind. Pregnancy is not just a women’s issue and it is important for men to know how they feel about the pregnancy as well.
However, men and women tend to adjust to an unexpected pregnancy at different rates, which may cause conflict for the couple. Men have little control over decisions once a pregnancy exists and this can be difficult to come to terms with.
- Maybe you are concerned that your relationship is not strong enough to deal with a pregnancy at this time.
- Maybe you are concerned that having a baby will tie you to your current partner for many years to come and this may frighten you.
- Maybe you have plans for your life and a baby will disrupt those plans. I.e. traveling, returning to college or developing your career.
- Maybe you are concerned about what friends and family will think when they find out about the pregnancy.
- Maybe you are not ready for the commitment and responsibility of having a baby.
You may be facing significant pressure when you hear the news about an unexpected pregnancy. We are here to support you by listening and discussing your challenges with you.
It can be very difficult for men to discuss an unexpected pregnancy. You might be concerned that you will push only one point of view and you don’t want to appear to influence your partner. Equally, if you do not discuss the issue you may be concerned that your partner will think that you do not care.
Some men are relived that they do not have to make the final decision and so may simply say, “I’ll support you no matter what you decide.” Although this may seem to be the best thing to say, it could appear that the man is placing the burden of responsibility solely on the woman’s shoulders.
You might be better off by asking her what she wants. This is an emotional time so be prepared that she may seem to change her mind regularly as she goes through the process of considering all the options. Equally it is important that you tell your partner honestly what you are thinking.
Many men experiencing an unplanned pregnancy can feel very isolated from the decision making process as it can seem that ultimately the decision lies with the woman. This can feel very frustrating for men.
Perhaps your partner has made a decision that she believes it is right for her life, but you feel very strongly that the decision is totally wrong for your life.
If your partner has a baby when you want her to have an abortion you will still have many responsibilities regarding the baby. Equally if your partner has an abortion when you would like her to have the baby you can feel a great sense of grief and loss.
The sense of being out of control can be very frustrating and can lead to serious difficulties in your relationship. It is important that you both discuss the issue calmly and respect each other’s opinions. Often talking to an independent person such as a counsellor at First Place OPTIONS can help. In a counselling session a prospective father will be given space to express his concerns to his partner and to talk in a safe and confidential environment about his concerns and wishes regarding the pregnancy.
Post-Abortion Grief Support
If your partner has had an abortion and you would like to talk with someone, First Place OPTIONS offers post-abortion support to men and women either together or separately.