Just for the Guys
Your girlfriend or partner has discovered she may be pregnant.
She’s looking for a solution, but where do you fit in?
At First Place OPTIONS we believe that you are a very important part of this decision.
My girlfriend or partner is pregnant! What is my role?
If you just discovered your girlfriend or partner is pregnant, you’re probably experiencing many emotions yourself. Pregnancy is not just a women’s issue, and it is important for men to know how they feel about the pregnancy as well. However, men and women tend to adjust to an unplanned pregnancy at different rates, which may cause some conflict for the couple. Men have little control over decisions once a pregnancy exists. This can be difficult to come to terms with.
You may be asking:
- What are my rights?
- How will her decision regarding this pregnancy affect me?
- What if my girlfriend and I don’t agree?
- How will my girlfriend be affected by an abortion?
- What can I do if I don’t agree with the decision my girlfriend is making?
You may be thinking:
- Our relationship is unstable.
- I need to finish school.
- I’m not sure I’d be a good parent.
- I don’t have a job.
- She won’t listen to me.
- I wish there was more I could do, but I don’t know what to do.
- I don’t want her to make this decision without me.
Your girlfriend or partner might be pregnant?
Here’s some quick, practical advice for you:
What to Do
- Talk about it. Talk with each other, and with others you can trust. Hiding the news from people who can genuinely help you only increases your stress. The culture says abortion is “a woman’s choice” but she rarely wants to make that choice alone. She is looking to you for support because there aren’t many people she can confide in right now.
- Stay calm. She needs your support now more than ever. Regardless of your relationship in the future, that baby needs you too.
- Get all the facts. Do you really know what your options are in this situation? Get all the information so you can make a good decision. Ask questions. Make a confidential appointment with First Place OPTIONS for you and your partner to get the facts and ask your questions.
- Be honest. Feeling angry, frustrated, or scared? That’s normal. Lots of couples experience a “surprise pregnancy” and immediately begin to worry. When women hear men say “It’s up to you,” they will often think he means she should have an abortion. Say what you mean.
What Not to Do
- Don’t bail. Don’t just look for a quick fix. The more you run, the harder it is – both now and down the road.
- Don’t pressure her. You two will do best working together as a team.
- Don’t play the blame game. This isn’t the time to overreact or get mad about having sex together.
- Don’t rush. There is no rush to make this decision. You don’t want to have significant regrets in the future. Remember that abortion is not a “quick fix.”
- Don’t shut down. You have a very active role in this situation. Listen to her. Ask her to listen to you.
How Can You Help Right Now?
- Confirm the pregnancy. First Place OPTIONS offers, free and confidential urine-based pregnancy tests that are laboratory quality. The pregnancy test can usually detect a pregnancy one day after a missed period. Contact us now.
- Help her look at the information available on all the options. First Place OPTIONS can assist you in exploring your options. You can call or email us to book an appointment for you to come in together. Contact us now.
- Share the responsibility with her. Your first instinct might be to say, “Whatever you choose, I’ll support you”. This sounds positive but she might think that means: “The decision is yours. I don’t want to take responsibility.” Not many women want to make this choice without the support of their partner.
- Ask her for some time to think, but reassure her that you aren’t going to abandon her. Even in the best of circumstances a pregnancy is scary.
- You don’t need to make a rushed decision. None of us make good decisions when we’re not thinking straight. Take some time to figure this out. Then make a joint decision you can all live with.
So the test turned out negative? You might be feeling relieved and you might want to forget this scare ever happened. But stop and think. If you continue to have sex, there is always a chance that a pregnancy could occur, even when using a condom or birth control pills.
- Am I ready to be a parent?
- Am I prepared to have a child with this person?
- What would I do if a pregnancy occurs?
- Can I support a child with my time, energy, and money?
- Am I willing to give my child a two-parent home?
- Am I willing to make an adoption plan for my child?
- Am I prepared to live with the fact that my child was aborted?
- Will our relationship survive an abortion?
Post Abortion Grief Support
If your partner has had an abortion and you would like to talk with someone, First Place OPTIONS offers post abortion support to men and women either together or separately.